Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
