He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
