my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
