I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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