Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
