it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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