i wish my penis had a tongue
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
