wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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