he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
