I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
