So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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