he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
