just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
