i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
