Plan B is the new Plan A
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
