does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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