Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
