She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
