Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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