oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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