I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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