Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
