i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
