Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have aggressive nipples.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
