Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
