is your mom at the bar?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
