Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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