Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
