There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
