Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
