dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
