I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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