dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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