Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
