sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
