you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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