there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
