anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
