was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
