She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
