You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
