Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
