I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
