I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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