Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
