That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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