Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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