I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
