She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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