Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
