You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
