Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
