I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
