Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
